Last Resort
by TvObsessed09
Summary: Song-Fic, One-Shot. Warning: Character Death. Charlie's over worked, stressed, and hurt. Disclaimer: I don't own the Song or the Show
1. Last Resort

Last Resort

Lyrics by Papa Roach

Story by Obsessed

_Cut my life into pieces  
This is my last resort  
Suffocation, no breathing  
Don't give a fuck  
If I cut my arm bleeding  
_

Charlie stood in the shower. The house was empty, his dad gone on a cruise for singles. Amita wasn't there thanks to a huge blow up the two had earlier that morning. Don was working and he too was pissed at him for something else he'd done.

That on top of mounting paperwork at school, a consulting gig with the NSA which had inadvertently let a fugitive escape, and things were just spiraling more and more out of control. He sighed, exhausted mentally and physically. Maybe even a bit of spiritual exhaustion plagued him too. He'd never been to spiritual though so he didn't dwell on it.

He turned to grab the soap and accidentally jabbed his arm into a jagged metal bar in the bathroom he'd meant to fix two weeks ago but had never gotten around to. It pierced the skin and he felt the warmth of blood sliding down arm and hand. He looked down to see it flowing thick and crimson red down his forearm and it was dripping on the linoleum at his feet.

It should have hurt. He should have felt more than a little pressure but he didn't. In truth, it didn't hurt at all. His body, just like his soul, had become numb.

_  
This is my last resort  
_

Before he realized what he was doing he jabbed it farther into his arm causing a larger wound to appear.

Nothing.  
Nada.

There was no pain. He did feel slightly better though. He knew it was his body releasing endorphins. This was why so many teens became cutters, to feel the 'high' they gave a person. They'd make a person feel better.

They were what made sex pleasurable and made other people, while exercising, feel more upbeat afterwards even if they were a bit exhausted.

Still, there should have been something, some feeling, some sensation whether pleasurable or painful. Never before had he been a masochist but for the first time he was. He was inflicting painful, bleeding injuries to himself that should have sent up mental alarms.

His brain didn't respond. He was too far gone. He was numb to the world.

_  
Cut my life into pieces  
I've reached my last resort  
Suffocation, no breathing  
Don't give a fuck  
If I cut my arm bleeding  
Do you even care  
If I die bleeding?  
_

That's when it clicked in his brain. Would everything just go away if he just took his life? Would anyone even care if he died? Could he even do it?

He'd already proven to himself he could self-inflict pain but how about going all of the way? He didn't know. That should have scared him. He should have been shivering at the idea of taking his life. Truth was, he was fine with it. Dying held no fear for him. In fact, it seemed almost too tempting.

_  
Would it be wrong  
Would it be right  
If I took my life tonight  
Chances are that I might  
Mutilation out of sight  
And I'm contemplating suicide  
_

He pulled his arm away from the jagged metal bar and watched the blood flow freely down his arm, the metal no longer blocking the flow. He knew with the amount of bleeding he'd just caused could cause death but chances were Don or Amita would stop by before that happened.

Charlie would be safe and alive. They'd see the truth of what he'd done to himself and he'd have failed to get rid of his problems.

No, if he did this he'd do it right. There would be no way they'd get to him in time.

_  
Cause I'm losing my sight,  
Losing my mind,  
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine  
Losing my sight,  
Losing my mind,  
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine  
_

Still, for some reason he stepped out of the shower. Then he slid on his boxers and a pair of pants. He wrapped his arm with a towel, well aware of the fact that wouldn't stop the bleeding but he didn't have the stuff upstairs to take care of it.

There was a box of his mom's sewing stuff in the basement that should help.

_  
I never realized  
I was spread too thin  
Till it was too late  
And I was empty within  
Hungry feeding on chaos and living in sin  
Downward spiral, where do I begin  
It all started when I lost my mother  
No love for myself  
And no love for another  
Searching to find a love upon a higher level  
Finding nothing but questions and devils  
_

As he went downstairs he could see the blood flowing quickly through the thin towel. On the main floor he noticed the house was completely silent. Not a noise, not a peep. Usually he could hear his dad walking around making some noise or another. His brother would come over and his voice would echo through the house. Amita's music would play as she worked in the conservatory. When his dad was home the TV was ALWAYS on, no matter what was playing on it.

Maybe that's why the electric bill was always so high. He shook his head. His eyes glanced at the table where last nights FBI consulting work had been – work he'd given them and Don had gotten pissed off about. In the garage he had his NSA work he was still trying to figure out.

He wasn't going to stop till he learned what had gone wrong. He looked at his hand, the blood seeping through. Part of him was beginning to question dying just yet.

_  
Cause I'm losing my sight  
Losing my mind,  
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine  
Losing my sight,  
Losing my mind,  
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine  
_

If he died now Don would remain angry at him; they'd lived so much of their lives angry at each other. He couldn't let the last thing they'd ever done be have a stupid argument. Amita, sure, she'd get over him quick enough. They could find someone else to fill his spot at CalSci but did he want someone else taking his place.

Would his EGO let him give his spot to another professor? Hell no. Would he die without figuring out where he went wrong?

No way.

_  
Nothing's alright  
Nothing is fine  
I'm running and I'm crying  
I'm crying  
I'm crying  
I'm crying  
I'm crying  
I can't go on living this way  
_

In his opinion life was shit but he couldn't help but keeping fighting. Nothing in his life was going right but what was new. That was how he'd been for years now, since college.

_  
Cut my life into pieces  
This is my last resort  
Suffocation, no breathing  
Don't give a fuck  
If I cut my arm bleeding  
Would it be wrong  
Would it be right?  
If I took my life tonight  
Chances are that I might.  
Mutilation out of sight.  
And I'm contemplating suicide.  
_

He glanced back at his arm, surprised to see how much blood there really was. It was dripping down his arm and pooling next to his bare feet.

_  
Cause I'm losing my sight  
Losing my mind,  
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine  
Losing my sight  
Losing my mind  
Wish somebody would tell me I'm fine  
_

Charlie moved and his mind swam from blood loss. His vision was fogging up. He forced himself to the table and grabbed his phone. Then he walked to the basement, quickly finding his mom's sewing kit Charlie wasn't sure why they kept.

As far as he knew, no one in the family knew how to sew… well, except for basic stitches that he'd been forced to learn in family consumer science, AKA Home-Economics.

_  
Nothing's alright  
Nothing is fine  
_

He began sewing his arm but it was too late. He collapsed to the ground. He tried to pull himself back to his feet but he fell once more.

_  
I'm running and I'm crying  
_

His fingers dialed his brother's number automatically. There was no thought about what he was doing. Blood got on the numbers.

"Don Eppes," his brother said and Charlie felt the pain in his arm begin to sting as he bumped it on the knee he bent. "Hello?"

"Don, I think I'm bleeding to death," Charlie said bluntly. He didn't have time enough to beat around the bush and be gentle. "I caught my arm on the jagged bar in the bathroom and I can't get it to stop bleeding."

"Where are you, right now?" Don asked. Charlie heard the fear in his brother's voice and the chair sliding backwards, hitting something as he did. There was also shuffling papers and car keys. "Buddy, talk to me. Where in the house are you?"

_  
I can't go on living this way  
_

"Sorry, Base… basement," Charlie muttered, growing very tired.

"Buddy, I need you to talk to me," Don stated bluntly. "Talk about anything and everything. I just need you to hold on."

"The argument earlier," Charlie murmured, blinking back exhaustion.

"Forget it, Charlie. That doesn't matter," Don stated hurriedly. Then Charlie heard a car and driving sounds.

"Sorry about it," Charlie muttered. "Tell… Tell Amita I love her."

"No," Don yelled but Charlie's eyes closed and he gave into blackness. Charlie didn't want to die. He'd been foolish before. He didn't know if he'd ever wake up again. He didn't know if he'd end up buried near his mother.

It was all too late now.

_  
Can't go on  
Living this way  
Nothing's all...right!_


	2. Awake and Alive

Awake and Alive

Lyrics by Skillet

Story by Obsessed

Disclaimer: I don't own the lyrics or the characters

I'm at war with the world and they  
Try to pull me into the dark

I struggle to find my faith  
As I'm slippin' from your arms

Charlie heard Don's reassurances over the line telling him that he would be fine. He wanted to believe his brother was right. However, Charlie Knew the Odds. He didn't have to be a mathematician to know his outlook was bleak at best.

Try as he might to stay awake he kept feeling himself slip away. He was sliding into a cold black abyss. Though he struggled he barely managed to keep his head above the murky surface. He needed to stay awake. Don kept speaking through the phone but Charlie couldn't process the words his brother was speaking.

Black closed in on Charlie for what felt like a brief second and when he returned he saw his brother leaning over him yelling at the paramedic to hurry up. Then somebody stated that he wasn't breathing anymore but that didn't make sense.

It's getting harder to stay awake  
And my strength is fading fast  
You breathe into me at last

Charlie was breathing, he knew he was. He could feel every inhalation and exhalation of air from within his lungs. He felt cold within him too. His body was growing completely numb. Then someone jerked him upward and they put him within an ambulance.

Don got into the emergency vehicle with him. Charlie could feel the warmth of Don's hand on his cold arm as somebody pumped air into him. The thing was. Charlie didn't realize he wasn't breathing. There wasn't that warm burning sensation you usually got when you thought of suffocation, when you couldn't get air into your lungs.

Somebody yelled something but the world went black again.

I'm awake I'm alive  
Now I know what I believe inside  
Now it's my time  
I'll do what I want 'cause this is my life  
here, right now  
I'll stand my ground and never back down  
I know what I believe inside  
I'm awake and I'm alive

"_Hold on Buddy," Don whispered to his brother, feeling fear like never before crash through his veins. He held his brother's good arm, squeezing it, trying to convince his little brother to keep fighting. His brother's eyes were cracked open, even though he wasn't breathing._

_He kept reminding himself that his eyes being open was a good sign. That meant Charlie was fighting. His brother was aware. _

_He'd stand up to this, he'd survive. He knew he had to. If he lost his brother he didn't know what he'd do. No matter how much of an ass he could be to his brother he was the only one he had. _

I'm at war with the world cause I  
Ain't never gonna sell my soul  
I've already made up my mind  
No matter what I can't be bought or sold

_Just then Charlie's eyes closed and all sight disappeared. His brother stopped responding and his brother flat lined. He couldn't believe it. Why was this happening to them? He couldn't think. He couldn't breathe. _

_Still, he managed too because there was no way he'd allow himself to panic while his brother was in this state. _

When my faith is getting weak  
And I feel like giving in  
You breathe into me again

_He closed his eyes to pray while the paramedic tried to bring his brother back. Every second that passed felt like an eternity in his mind. _

_Every second had him questioning where things went wrong. How hadn't he noticed his brother was hurting – especially hurting enough to do _THIS_ to himself? Was he blind?_

I'm awake I'm alive  
Now I know what I believe inside  
Now it's my time  
I'll do what I want 'cause this is my life  
here, right now  
I'll stand my ground and never back down  
I know what I believe inside  
I'm awake and I'm alive

_In his mind he was replaying everything he'd ever been afraid for his brother over. Time number one had been when he'd seen his brother nearly get hit by that Sniper's bullet. He'd seen Charlie come out of that vehicle and knew in that instant who the suspect would shoot at. Don had yelled at Charlie to get down while running at his brother who didn't hear. He watched as the window shattered. He'd been too slow. Luckily David had been there but he felt it as a failure. He'd failed his brother._

_The next had been yet another shooting. His brother had been nearly hit when a person came into the FBI with a gun. He saw the fear in his brother who refused to come back for some period of time. It was suppose to be safe there. Again he'd failed his brother but still his brother lived._

_Next failure had to be when those men targeted Charlie because he was helping him search for that reporter – what's her name… Bonnie something. He'd been so pissed he nearly lost his brother. He'd failed him again and still he survived. _

_Don's mind could have gone on forever with all the times he'd failed Charlie but with all of them his brother have lived, most he didn't even get physically hurt. This time was different though. Charlie was seriously hurt to the point he might not live._

Waking up waking up  
In the dark  
I can feel you in my sleep  
In your arms I feel you breathe into me  
Forever hold this heart that I will give to you  
Forever I will live for you

_That's when it happened. A beeping sound filled the ambulance as they got Charlie back. He opened his eyes to see his brother still alive. He wasn't out of the woods yet but this was a lot better than the way it had been just seconds ago. _

_He leaned forward. "Come on Buddy. Just keep fighting," Don whispered to his baby brother when the hospital came into sight. Moments, that's all they had to wait till his brother was in the hands of doctors. _

_Don just hoped his brother could hold on that long… _

I'm awake I'm alive  
Now I know what I believe inside  
Now it's my time  
I'll do what I want 'cause this is my life  
here, right now  
I'll stand my ground and never back down  
I know what I believe inside  
I'm awake and I'm alive


	3. Breathe Me

Breathe Me

Lyrics by Sia

Story by Obsessed

Disclaimer: I don't own the Lyrics or the characters.

Help, I have done it again  
I have been here many times before  
I hurt myself again today  
And, the worst part is there's no-one else to blame

Don watched them roll his brother into the hospital unsure of what awaited them. He watched them roll his brother away and he wanted to fight to stay next to his brother. That wouldn't help his brother though and he knew it. Instead he stayed at the door, refusing to move from that position.

As he stood there looking at his brother the fear and pain was quickly overcome by a sudden anger at Charlie. How could he do this to them – their father, his wife? Why didn't he think of anyone but himself.

The moment that thought brushed through his mind he remembered telling Charlie something similar just hours earlier during the argument. Now the echo of that thought in his mind made that irrational anger and the very rational fear and pain slip away.

Guilt was left in its place.

Be my friend  
Hold me, wrap me up  
Unfold me  
I am small  
and needy  
Warm me up  
And breathe me

Time slipped by unseen as he paced that hallway. Don watched Amita run in and he grabbed her and pulled his sister-in-law into a hug. He could hear her sobs, her fear and it made everything worse. Much worse.

It made everything all too real. When she pulled away she looked down and paled. He couldn't figure out what caused her to turn that pallor.

Ouch

After looking down he wished he hadn't. He found his clothes were covered in blood… Charlie's blood. He held back a gag realizing his brother's source of life was covering his clothing. He left the room for a moment and called David. He told him to discretely leave work and go to his apartment, pick up some clothing for him then get the clothing to the hospital.

He also told him not to let anyone know. They all had a killer to catch. The rest of the team couldn't be distracted by what had happened to Charlie though he didn't tell David that.

I have lost myself again  
Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found,  
Yeah I think that I might break  
Lost myself again and I feel unsafe

He watched David come in with the clothing a bit later and he thanked the man before hurrying to the bathroom to change. Once changed he tossed the clothing he had been wearing he tossed them in the trash.

It was possibly irrational but he couldn't wear those again knowing that Charlie's blood had stained them. He then came into the hall where Amita was telling David what Charlie had done to himself.

For once, the brother with all the sensible answers, the brother good with people, didn't know what to do. He was lost. At this point he wished he had numbers he could have sunk himself into to escape this reality.

He needed to get lost within himself, to forget the world.

Be my friend  
Hold me, wrap me up  
Unfold me  
I am small  
and needy  
Warm me up  
And breathe me

That's when the doctor came out with Charlie, wheeling him away on a bed. All the doctor said was they couldn't say how he'd be. That he was hopeful but they wouldn't know anything for the next twenty-four hours.

He and Amita stood there, lost in their own thoughts. They stood there not knowing. Would Charlie live or would he die?


	4. Mad World

Mad World

Lyrics by Gary Jules

Story by Obsessed

Disclaimer: Don't own lyrics or Characters

All around me are familiar faces  
worn out places, worn out faces  
Bright and early for the daily races  
Going nowhere, going nowhere  
Their tears are filling up their glasses  
No expression, no expression  
Hide my head I wanna drown my sorrow  
No tomorrow, no tomorrow

Alan stood at the grave of his youngest son, unable to believe this was happening. How could this have happened? His son… they'd told him he was on the mend then he died of an undiagnosed fever brought on by infection.

This wasn't right.

He looked around at all of the blank expressions. Lots of black clothing surrounded the grave of his son, just a few feet from where his wife, Margaret Eppes, lay resting peacefully.

A father shouldn't bury his son. A son should bury his father. That was the natural order of things. It didn't make sense. Tears gathered in his eyes as he looked down at his clenched hands which rested in his lap. He couldn't understand. His son's death had him feeling like there was no tomorrow, nothing to live for anymore.

And I find it kind of funny  
I find it kind of sad  
The dreams in which I'm dying  
Are the best I've ever had  
I find it hard to tell you  
I find it hard to take  
When people run in circles  
It's a very very, mad world, mad world

Sitting there he felt like his world was over, that he wanted to die alongside his son. At night he knew his wife would come to him and comfort him in his dreams – just as she had when Charlie had had that question for her.

Still, everything felt so real. He'd always imagined Charlie having children, growing old while Alan passed away. He thought about how he could have gone so far off track and he wondered how he hadn't noticed. How could he not have seen his son was in trouble, was in danger from himself?

Children waiting for the day they feel good  
Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday  
And I feel the way that every child should  
Sit and listen, sit and listen  
Went to school and I was very nervous  
No one knew me, no one knew me  
Hello teacher tell me what's my lesson  
Look right through me, look right through me

He always knew Charlie had issues. That came with the territory of raising a prodigal child. It wasn't unusual for them to have bouts with depression or other psychological disorders. He'd always assumed they were lucky that Charlie had a depressive episode every so often.

Not that they ever told Don that though. He'd never known of Charlie's 'issue' because he'd always been sensitive about people knowing. If Charlie had been normal, felt like every other child, he wouldn't have been here. Too bad their son had never outgrown those issues. The last two bouts had been when his mother died and when Don was shot.

Even when Don was stabbed he didn't get depressed and submerge again. For a moment he thought he would but he hadn't. He'd thought he'd gotten past that.

Alan went to Charlie's house where he lived. His will stated that Amita owned it under the stipulation he could still live there. It would never be home again. Charlie's blood stained the floor as a trail from the bathroom to the foot of the stairs where it puddle to the basement where the majority was.

He went upstairs and collapsed in his bed.

And I find it kind of funny  
I find it kind of sad  
The dreams in which I'm dying  
Are the best I've ever had  
I find it hard to tell you  
I find it hard to take  
When people run in circles  
It's a very, very, mad world, mad world  
Enlarge your world, mad world

When he opened his eyes again he found himself in the hospital in a bedside chair looking at Charlie's face as a steady beeping noise filled the air, letting them all know he was still living. It took him a moment to realize Charlie hadn't died, that had all been a dream. He wasn't dead yet.

His son hadn't died. He was still living, still breathing, still with them. He had to remember that.


	5. Hurt

Hurt

Lyrics by Christina Aguilera

Story by Obsessed

Seems like it was yesterday when I saw your face  
You told me how proud you were, but I walked away  
If only I knew what I know today  
Ooh, ooh  
I would hold you in my arms  
I would take the pain away  
Thank you for all you've done  
Forgive all your mistakes  
There's nothing I wouldn't do  
To hear your voice again  
Sometimes I wanna call ya  
But I know you won't be there

Amita sat in that hospital room waiting, unable to believe this was happening. They'd just gotten married less than a month ago. Now the possibility was real that she could become a widow. How could this have happened to them?

Just hours ago they'd argued over something so inconsequential she couldn't remember what it was. She'd walked out, needing to breathe but also running late for class. Next thing she knew she was getting a call from Don telling her Charlie was in the hospital, in critical condition.

Now she was left with the guilt of that argument. If she could go back she would have cleared the air between them. She wouldn't have walked out and left him alone.

Don spoke to her but she didn't notice. All eyes glanced at her anxiously but all she wanted to do was cry. She wanted Charlie to hold her and tell her that everything would be alright. She just wanted to hear him utter those words. It wouldn't be alright though.

He couldn't tell her those words. He couldn't comfort her and reassure her. He was the one who was hurt – maybe dying.

Ohh I'm sorry for blaming you  
For everything I just couldn't do  
And I've hurt myself by hurting you

All that arguing they'd been doing, all the problems since the wedding seemed miniscule now. She couldn't believe this was happening.

By leaving this morning, by walking out during a fight, she may have lost the one good thing she had in her life.

Some days I feel broke inside but I won't admit  
Sometimes I just wanna hide 'cause it's you I miss  
And it's so hard to say goodbye  
When it comes to this, oooh yeah

Tears were in her eyes. She couldn't look up. This was so wrong. Everything about this wasn't right. How could they have gotten so far off track in a month? She knew Charlie was stressed but what could have made him hurt himself like he had. How… how could he have done that?

Would you tell me I was wrong?  
Would you help me understand?  
Are you looking down upon me?  
Are you proud of who I am?

Where had they gone wrong? As she thought back she couldn't recall seeing any signs. She was wishing someone would come in and tell her what she missed. She couldn't understand and the only one who could explain might be dying.

She pushed the thought of him leaving her alone from her mind. She couldn't deal with that. It… it wasn't right. This was so wrong.

There's nothing I wouldn't do  
To have just one more chance  
To look into your eyes  
And see you looking back

Don was pacing the corridor, waiting for news while Larry looked just as stricken as she felt. The whole team was their waiting. She saw everyone there but none of them could give her what she wanted – what she needed.

She wouldn't be fine until she sat at Charlie's side looking into his beautiful eyes, knowing he was looking back at her, alive and fine. She just couldn't do it.

Her barriers finally collapsed and silent tears began to fall down her cheeks. No one said anything, a mournful silence covering them. It made the fear of his death even more eminent.

Ohh I'm sorry for blaming you  
For everything I just couldn't do  
And I've hurt myself, ohh

"He'll be okay," he heard Don say and she looked up to see his eyes staring at her with concern. "He's strong, he won't leave you behind like this." He didn't sound very confident.

"He just might. He and I argued this morning," she admitted and she saw Don look down.

"I fought with Charlie too. I all but called him selfish this morning," Don stated and she looked up.

"Guess we are all feeling guilty right now," she whispered and he nodded. "Why didn't he tell us he was depressed? Why did he let it come to this?"

"He's always been depressed," Alan stated. "It's a part of him. He use to take medication but he learned to handle it, for the most part, without medication. There were two times I forced him to take pills, after your mother died. She wouldn't let me put him on it even though he'd locked himself away but once she was gone I made him take it for nearly four months then for about a week after you got shot at, Donny. It's just something he's always dealt with since childhood and he's too proud to admit when he needs help."

If I had just one more day  
I would tell you how much that I've missed you  
Since you've been away  
Ooh, it's dangerous  
It's so out of line  
To try and turn back time

Don and Alan began to argue about keeping it secret but she didn't care about that. She was hurt that he hid that secret but she could live with it. She just wanted him. If she could turn back time she would if only to see him awake one more time.

It was impossible and redundant. She'd always want more time. Even if she did get it, if something happened like this again she'd still want more time. That was the meaning of life.

I'm sorry for blaming you  
For everything I just couldn't do  
And I've hurt myself by hurting you

As she sat there, her hand in Charlie's she felt it move then squeeze hers. She looked up to see him staring back at her. His eyes were open and he looked pretty aware of his surroundings.

They kept arguing and everyone was staring at them that they didn't notice Charlie.

"Don, Alan, Charlie's awake," she yelled and all fighting stopped. They moved to Charlie's bed and everything felt good once more. Charlie would survive… they were sure now. This would always be engrained in their memories for life though. No one in that room would ever forget what nearly happened here.

She kissed his hand and his eyes fluttered closed but all felt better…

…The End Of The Series…


End file.
